Well then, do we have an idea for you.

Get a tattoo.  Download this file and take it to your favorite artist. See the diagram below for placement instructions. Show your support and dude status. Also, it will get you in free at any Rocket From The Crypt show.*

*If RFTC does get back together this is not the tattoo that will grant you free access. But, you can try……ask Speedo nicely.

…Or Die Tryin’.

First, track down some pink salt. Then, go to your butcher and ask for a 3-5 lb. slab of pork belly with the skin on. Mix 2 cups kosher salt, 1 cup sugar and 1/4 pink salt. Dredge the belly in enough of the dry cure mixture to cover it on all sides and shake off the excess. Place the belly in a zip-bag and refrigerate. Store the rest of your cure for the inevitable ‘next time’.

This bitch had a six-pack. F'real.

You’re going to leave it in the fridge for 7 days, flipping it over every other day to redistribute the cure. As the salt works its magic, it is going to pull a lot of moisture from the belly. This has to stay in constant contact with the belly, as this liquid does all of the heavy-lifting in terms of fighting bad bacteria. Around day 5 or 6, feel the belly at its thickest point for firmness. if it is still squishy – leave it in the cure for a day or two more. If it is firm, remove it from the bag and toss the liquid. Rinse the belly and pat it dry with paper towels. Slow-roast it in a 200 degree oven until it reaches an internal temperature of 150 degrees. Cut the skin off and let it cool to room temperature. Slice it, cook it and brag to your friends about how you JUST MADE FUCKING BACON FROM SCRATCH!!!!

If it’s too salty, don’t sweat. Mine was the first time I did it too. Just toss the slices in simmering water for a minute before cooking them, and be sure to adjust your curing time on your next attempt. If you want to get fancy you can add maple syrup to the cure for sweeter bacon, or crushed garlic and black pepper for more savory. You can also smoke it instead of roasting it if you have access to a smoker or a large enough barbecue. Play around. Don’t be afraid to make it great. With tomato season right around the corner, this shit comes in handy for the best BLT’s you’ll ever make.

This was my breakfast.